Glee Throwdown: Duets

It's another Wednesday, and it's time for another episode of Amie Laying the Smackdown on Faux Trixie. Or something. Because so far this season, we've been in agreement on a lot of the stuff that's going on for Glee. But who knows, that could always change. So read what I have to say (duh) and then click over to visit Faux Trixie's recap. She'll probably be late at posting it. She's always late. Except for last week. Whatever. As always, SPOILERS FROM HERE OUT, so Daisy and everyone else who likes to watch their Glees all in a row instead of weekly like normal people should skip this post.

___________________________

Previously on Glee: Tina dumped Artie, Sam sings in the shower (while Finn watches and Finn thinks it's weird even though Schue discovered Finn while Finn sang in the shower and Schue watched), and Finn used the f word at Kurt. No, not fuck. The really bad f word.

I really liked this episode, you guys. There was no Emma, no Uncle Jesse, no Puck, no Sue, no Principal, and very little Schue. Instead, we had a little bit of focus on every single other character. We got some Mercedes, we got Santana, we got Brittany, we got Artie, we got Kurt and Burt, we got Rachel, we got Finn, we got Sam, we got Quinn. And, generally speaking, we didn't have to overdose on any single one of them. It was nice.

Faux Trixie will have to weigh in before I can fully determine this or not, but- I'm thinking that there actually IS an overreaching arch to the season. New Directions is going to Nationals in New York City, and they're going to do what it takes to get there.

BUT. Even if there isn't an seasonal storyline, they are also just a bunch of high schoolers dealing with all the stuff that high schoolers deal with. Last year Glee kept trying to do all this artificial "I'm going to SHUT DOWN THE GLEE CLUB" crap and all the silly shenanigans that followed. Now it's almost more like a Dawson's Creek (oh, Pacey, I love you so much) where instead of a big theme to the year, it's just a bunch of kids and some adults dealing with that year of their lives. And what's nice is that (theoretically) they're not all the same year. So some of them will graduate and move on (I miss Jesse. Not Uncle Jesse. Well, both.) and some will transfer out (apparently his name was Matt Rutherford?) and new kids will come in as freshman (would have been a better way to use Charice, but whatever) and so on. This gives the show a lot of room to grow and continue in ways that Saved by the Bell or Beverly Hills 90210 never could have, and I really dig the possibilities. Anyway. RECAPPING.

Puck is in juvie for stealing an ATM, apparently. The entire thing. By the by, if you call it an ATM Machine, I FUCKING HATE YOU. Ahem. Redundancy makes me stabby. New Directions needs a new male voice, and it is Sam Evans, the new kid. Apparently it's not Sam Adams, but he does quote Dr. Seuss. Sam's shoulder seems fine.

Schue assigns the kids to sing duets for the week, and somehow forgets to write DUETS with a squiggly line under it on the chalkboard. Man, Schue, slipping off your game. While he talks about how duets bring out the best of both voices (it's true, you guys. The best songs so far on Glee have all been duets - I Dreamed a Dream, Dream On, anything Schue did with April, etc.), Kurt and Mercedes spend some time gossiping. Duh.

Kurt thinks Sam is gay, Mercedes isn't having any of it. Of course, we all know Mercedes totally fails at gaydar since she wanted to date Kurt once (ouch) but she does smartly remind him that so far he hasn't had much luck with gaydar either. Either way, they're talking over Schue's lecture, which is nice. The duets are a competition, winner gets dinner for two at Breadsticks, apparently a local restaurant. I've never heard of Breadsticks, but it sounds delicious. I like bread that is shaped like sticks.

Kurt introduces himself to Sam, and welcomes him to New Directions. Kurt accused Sam of dying his hair because one of his major skillz is recognizing fake hair color. Kurt thinks that if they do a duet together, they will win, and Kurt wants to win. Sam thinks duets should be hetero, and Kurt cites Make 'Em Laugh from Singin' in the Rain to the contrary. When I was in high school, our theater department put on Singin' in the Rain and did the whole Make 'Em Laugh scene up right. Sort of like when Joseph Gordon Leavitt hosted Saturday Night Live and did the whole Make 'Em Laugh scene. Of course, Make 'Em Laugh isn't a duet, it's just Donald O'Connor, but that's okay. Moses Supposes is a duet. Oh, and my high school made it rain on stage. We won prizes. I was one of the dancing girls when Kathy jumped out of the cake. FUN. Oops. I digress. I think Sam agreed to duet with Kurt? Not sure.

As I said, the episode jumps back and forth between lots of kids doing lots of stuff for short periods of time. Including a scene with Brittany and Santana making out. Turns out they DO have sex, as Brittany alluded a long long time ago. Santana is sick of scissoring, which leads me to believe that neither really understands how lesbians ACTUALLY have sex. Brittany wants to duet with Santana to Come to My Window, but Santana shoots her down. Which is good, because that song annoys me. Santana doesn't love Brittany, and only makes out with her because Puck is gone and Santana needs a warm body under her. Sad.

Cut to Santana asking Mercedes to duet with her because they are the best singers in the school. Mercedes isn't really sure she wants to bother, because she has never been to Breadsticks. Santana convinces her that you can take home a wheelbarrow of breadsticks, and M is in. Top bitches at William McKinley High School for them!

Finn noticed that Kurt has his eye on Sam, and wants to attempt to save Sam from being the new Finn of Kurt's affections. Finn is right- the problem with Kurt is that Kurt keeps pushing for people who aren't interested in him to be interested. Finn tells Kurt that IF Sam sings with Kurt, Sam will get so much crap that he'll quit New Directions. Unless Sam is like Sunshine and is from Cal-i-forn-ia? We'll see.

First song of the night is Rachel and Finn doing Don't Go Breaking My Heart. He's playing the drums and she's dancing. She looks a bit softer this episode than she has for a long while. In general, Don't Go Breaking My Heart is a cutesy number, and this is a cute rendition, but I like the one from the end of Ella Enchanted a bit better.

Rachel and Finn are sure that they will win the competition, BUT they maybe don't want to win. HUH? HOW OUT OF CHARACTER. Rachel knows she isn't a nice person- big effing surprise. She wants to throw the competition to let Sam win so he can feel like he belongs so he'll stick with the team.

Finn points out that she's still being selfish, because it's all so she can win Nationals. This only proves that Phoebe was right - all charity is selfish, even if you give to PBS when you HATE PBS because it will let Joey be on tv and make Phoebe happy. SELFISH BITCH. While we're at it, since when is dumbass Finn so reasonable?

Tina wants Mike to sing a duet with her so they can win and have a normal night out. Apparently all their dates are going out for dim sum with Mike Chang’s Mom. At the same time, Brittany is hitting on Artie. He's confused. Tina is yelling at Mike about chicken feet, but this speech isn’t anywhere near as awesome as the "Asian vampires are the fiercest of all the vampires" speech. Artie agreed to duet with Brittany and be her boyfriend, so she wags her finger at Santana.

Finn meets up with Sam to talk about the upcoming duets. Sam wants to sing with Kurt because Kurt's a good singer- true that, yo. Sam is naked. Again. Kid showers more than any five teenage boys I've ever known. Finn tries to explain how hard being in Glee is, but Finn talked Sam into joining in the first place. Sam doesn't understand (or care) that Glee club doesn't make people cool. He is the second person this episode to accuse Finn of having a problem with gay people. Sam's kind of awesome.

But then he got slushied as soon as he put his shirt on. The lesson here is that Sam should not wear shirts.

Quinn sees Sam get slushied, and helps him clean up. They flirt a little and talk about how blue slushies are the worst because they dye your dangly bits so you look like the guys in Avatar. Sam speaks Na'vi or whatever the Avatar language is. I still haven't seen Avatar. Whatever.

At the Hummel residence, Kurt is taking care of Burt, because Burt is alive and well and out of the hospital. Kurt is chatting about Sam and dueting with him and Finn's response. BUT WHAT'S THIS? Burt is taking Finn's side! After yelling at Finn and standing up for Kurt and kicking Finn out of the house! Interesting.

Burt now knows that Kurt was hitting on Finn. He tells Kurt that most guys don't know how to deal with that sort of thing at 16. Which, for the record, is the exact point TLo made after that episode. If you're not reading TLo, you should be. Kurt wishes that he wasn't the only out kid and wants someone to slowdance with at prom. Awww. Burt realistically suggests that Kurt get used to being alone until he finds someone as brave and open as he is.

YOU GUYS I LOVE THE HUMMELS. They are just SO real and awesome. Burt loves his son no matter what, but doesn't automatically defend his kid in all situations. He also teaches his kid about the world and how to best survive it and how to act and how to behave. Kurt loves Burt and takes care of him and confides in him. THIS is the ideal teenager-parent relationship. So much better than BFF or authoritarian or helicopter.

Second song of the night is Mercedes and Santana dueting to River Deep Mountain High. They're dancing their asses off WHILE singing, which should probably count for something. Especially because their dancing is more than circling around each other with an occasional shoulder shimmy a la Finchel. Good dancing will help them win. Fun to watch AND good vocals = Love. Especially with that little taunt at the end.

BACK TO THE SHOWER. Kurt's in there talking to Sam, and Kurt's hat makes him look like Peter Pan. Kurt is un-dueting Sam, and Sam's a bit offended and confused. Kurt says that he is singing with someone who matches his talent and stuff. Who might that be? IF ONLY THE PREVIEWS HADN'T GIVEN IT ALL AWAY ALREADY.

Apparently Mike Chang is being a pain about the duet with Tina. They're also getting sick of their all-Asian-all-the-time relationship. Tina stops Artie in the hall and asks him to duet with her, but Artie is all "naw, boo, I’m dating Brittany and wearing bowling pins on my sweet sweater". Seriously, that is a SWEET sweater.

Time for Kurt's performance. He *SHOCK ME SHOCK ME SHOCK ME* is dueting with himself to Le Jazz Hot. Santana says that duets with yourself are vocal masturbation, but Kurt is ROCKING some Victor/Victoria WITH SWEET COSTUMES. I mean, he's no Julie Andrews (no one is), but he's marvelous. AND FOSSE. AND GO. And it's amazing. I miss wearing top hands and doing sweet snaps and stuff. LOVE. SO MUCH LOVE. Also, it's always good when Brittany and Mike Chang get to REALLY dance. MOAR FOSSE PREASE.

Sam likes astronomy and is dumb. He thinks that Mars-God-of-War is Venus-Goddess-of-Love, and Quinn quickly corrects his ass. I mean, duh. Venus is blueish-green and Mars is red. Quinn and Sam are discussing duets. He has an idea for her to help him play guitar. BUT THEN their flirting gets a little out of control and Sam tries to kiss Quinn. Poor Quinn is only barely over the LAST time she kissed a guy because that knocked her up, so she says NO. NO to Sam, and NO to duets. Quinn doesn't do duets. She needs Santana off her ass trying to take over the Cheerios and wants to torture Rachel. Ha. Quinn haz prioriteez.

TIME FOR ANOTHER DUET. Tina and Mike are up, and he's nervous. They're singing Sing! from A Chorus Line. They've switched the male/female roles from ACL, but it's cute and he's dancing a lot. Of course, his dance moves don't go with this song, and I'm sick of so many freaking cutesy numbers - duets can be awesome and don't have to be so damned cute.

BOO TO LYRIC CHANGES. Mike Chang sings says "Girls are messing up my pants" instead of "Guys are coming in their pants" as in the original. But I suppose this is prime time, eh?

Cute, but not even close to good. I mean, Tina's fun, but blech. BUT in good news, since Mike Chang isn't singing, New Directions still has one less male voice than female. Therefore, when Puck gets out of jail he may rejoin the club without forcing Sam out. Probably.

Sam and Finn are hitting a punching bag together and the whole thingy about Finn being all "YOU TRIED TO KISS HER?!?! GLEE FOUL RAWRSMASH" was a big fat red herring in the preview. Because Finn loves Rachel, even though she's not as hot as Quinn and she's obnoxious. It would be nice if Finn could some day proclaim his love for Rachel WITHOUT all the qualifiers, but he does speak the truth. PS, if Lea Michele dropped the veganism and ate a bit more, her boobs would get bigger and she could stop giving interviews complaining about how often her small boobs are mentioned on the show.

Rachel and Finn are trying to get Quinn and Sam to sing together, I think? Because then Sam will win and stay in the club and then New Directions can win Nationals? So they split up for Finn to convince Sam to sing with Quinn, while Rachel convinces Quinn to sing with Sam. Meh. Sam apologizes to Quinn for trying to kiss her and suggesting she wear sunglasses so she stops seducing him with her eyes. BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS A GIRL'S FAULT FOR BEING SO PRETTY AND HAVING SEXYEYES WHEN BOYS TRY TO KISS THEM.

Elsewhere, Artie and Brittany are practicing together, but it's not working because he isn't over Tina. Brittany is going to help Artie get over Tina by having him get under her. She figures it would happen sometime anyway because he's on the football team. "Before our duET, we’re going to do IT".

The next duet is Rachel and Finn singing ... what? They're dressed as a priest and pilgrim? I don’t get it. And HOLY SHIT she’s skinny. Her waist is SO THIN. What is this song even called? Show Me Your Kindness? With You I’m Born Again? I feel like they won't even offer this one on iTunes.

And finally it's Sam and Quinn's turn. They’re doing Lucky by Colbie Callait and whatshisface John Mayer Jason Mraz. Colbie wrote the song, did you know? She rocks. Anyway. This is a great song choice for both of their voices, and it's very cute (again. ENOUGH WITH THE CUTENESS) to watch. In a cheesy Glee sort of way, natch. Kurt is sadface.

Artie broke up with Brittany. I love it when Gleemances only last for part of an episode. She has the sadz because she thought they'd win the Breadsticks dinner and she wanted to order a really long piece of spaghetti like in Lady and the Tramp. Artie calls out Brittany for using him for his voice. Of course he got the idea from Santana sabotaging them. Artie realized that sex doesn't mean anything to Brittany. It meant a lot to Artie. She feels bad. In other news, this is the second time a boy has lost his virginity and realized that sex is better with feelings on Glee. Interesting, no?

New Directions voted on best duet, and the winner is........ Sam and Quinn! Santana is pissed. Quinn coldly informs Sam that their dinner at Breadsticks "is SO not a date".

Rachel FINALLY gets over herself and tries being nice to Kurt. He's offended that she would even start to suggest that they're alike. Ha. But Rachel really means it this time. She tells Kurt, "I know you're lonely, but you’re not alone." That is a line a LOT of people need to hear, I think. Not just teenagers, not just gay kids, but lots of people. So they're going to duet.

Also? The breadsticks at Breadsticks DON’T EVEN LOOK GOOD. Dude. Copy Olive Garden or something, y’all. Those sticks are delicious. But noooo, these are just really long awful hard skinny breadsticks. Ick. Sam FINALLY cops to dying his hair, which Kurt totally knew anyway. Quinn thinks Sam is cute. She hasn't even seen him in the shower yet. But since he's cute, it is SO a date all of a sudden, and dinner is no longer on Schue's gift certificates. Damn, Quinn, really? Forcing the kid to pay? Kinda rude. What if he has no money?

Last duet of the night is Kurt and Rachel doing a mashup of Get Happy and Happy Days are Here. (EDIT: This is not a mashup. Not really. It's originally a Barbra/Judy Duet. OMFG.) And Kurt is taking care of Burt, which is even cuter. Rachel and Kurt's voices go SO WELL together. Sigh. I love when Glee makes BEAUTIFUL music. This duet is BEAUTIFUL MUSIC.

NEXT WEEK- just kidding. TWO WEEKS FROM NOW. Back in Sue's Corner to learn how she C's stuff, and ROCKY HORROR. And it looks like Brittany is playing Columbia, which is SO RIGHT. At least for the Time Warp. Girl can dance. And, as I hoped, Dr. Scott shall be played by Artie. ABLEISM RAWR or something, right? Bwahaha. Can't freaking WAIT.

___________________________

P.S. Bloggie prizes to the person who gets the most of my awesome references from this post. GO.